It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these posts so since I’m in the mood to write but am procrastinating on a review, I thought, why the hell not.
What’s messier right now — your bedroom or you computer’s desktop (or your favorite device’s home screen)? Tell us how and why it got to that state.
I don’t have organized thoughts.
On a good day my thoughts jump quickly from one thing to another but there’s a common topic to them. But days like today, my thoughts drift heedless of my attempts to control them. They are languid, lazy thoughts and all they want to do is just mill around in my mind, taking their time to float to my attention before dispersing.
Every now and then the thought in the spotlight will be interrupted by the bright spark of another, usually something related to the chorus of buzzing bugs singing in my backyard. That thought rises bright and sharp as the bugs’ lull lifts, and darken and dullen and the bugs quieten to a low drone.
And, too, there are daydreams that rush upon me at a moment’s notice, leaving me in a trance as I watch a show play out in my head. I hate these sometimes because they disrupt my languid thoughts even more so than the sharp bug-buzz induced ones. My daydreams are captivating. I tune out. I forget what I was thinking or writing. It leaves me strung out. Lost. I become frustrated with myself as I try to find where I was before, mentally. If only it was as easy as wetting a finger and flipping back the pages of a book.
Some might say I allow my thoughts to disrupt my thoughts. And maybe that’s true. My thoughts are awesome things. Finnicky. Dramatic. Sensitive. Enthralling. Much as they might annoy me, I enjoy the ride….no wonder they’re disorganized.
But how does one organize one’s thoughts? They’re like wisps of air, hard to grasp and hold on to much less cage. Sometimes it helps when I pile thoughts on top of thoughts to forget a thought. But that’s hardly healthy. The only effective method that works for me on good days (when I feel like doing this) is to ignore a thought. It’s hard work and is effective for a time before I get tired and can’t bother. I’m used to my disruptive thoughts. So are my close friends and family. But it’d be good to rein them in every now and again.
When I write, I focus more, unless I’m in the mood to write whatever comes to mind as they come to mind, which is both exciting and exasperating because my poor thunderous fingers can’t keep up with the speed of my lightning thoughts. But usually when I write, I sort things out. My thoughts are more likely to acquiesce to my wants. However, every now and then a rogue thought would crash in but I’ll jot it down anyways. Sometimes it’s exactly what I need. When I’m done writing, my thoughts are docile, or as docile as they’ll ever be, and hardly interrupt each other. There are even moments of peace where there’s nothing hogging the spotlight. I’m grateful for those moments.
I guess that’s why I’m in a writing mood now. The disruptions have lessened some and the bugs-buzz thoughts are few. Things are a bit clearer now. For now.